Act as an expert creative writing editor. Your task is to rewrite a draft passage using the 'show, don't tell' technique. Analyze this text: [insert draft text]. Rewrite it to replace direct statements of emotion, temperature, time, or character traits with sensory details (sight, sound, smell, touch, taste), physical reactions, subtextual dialogue, and active verbs. Retain the core plot points and character intentions. After the rewrite, provide a brief bulleted list explaining 3-4 key changes you made and the narrative purpose behind them.