Act as a developmental editor specializing in sensory writing. Analyze the provided text: [insert draft text]. Identify instances of 'telling' (flat exposition, named emotions, summaries of action). Rewrite these sections to 'show' the scene through sensory details (sight, sound, smell, touch, taste), physiological responses, and character actions, while maintaining the original narrative intent and pacing. Provide a side-by-side comparison of the changes and explain the reasoning behind the adjustments.